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Little Red Rap
A campy skit for 8 or 9 players.
Cast: 3 babysitters, 3 babies, 2-3 pantomimes
Setting: bedroom with a bed large enough for 3 “babies” to sit on side by side 3 chairs.
Enter three babysitters.|
BABYSITTER 1 Well, somebody’s gotta tell it!
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 We won’t get away without it!
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 (to babysitter 2) You could tell it
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 1 (to babysitter 3) You could tell it.
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 All right, all right, I’ll tell it. Call them in here.
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 (Exasperated) Helpful! Very helpful! You expecting to get paid
for this job?
(Calling off-stage) Dora! Dinky! Delilah! Bedtime!
Enter three diapered toddlers sucking their thumbs.
BABYSITTER 1 Okay, kids, get into bed.
(Toddlers start to cry).
All right, we’ll tell you a bedtime story.
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 (Sighing) I’ll tell you a story.
(Toddlers lie down contentedly)
(Long thinking pause) Once upon a time-
(Toddlers immediately sit bolt upright. Two start rap rhythm, one recites rap verse.)
TODDLERS So far this story is really borin’
It’s got me snorin’.
Let’s get on with the show
It’s a-goin’ too slow
You know-
It needs some punch
Some pizzazz and crunch
You know what I mean
It’s extra lean!
C’mon now tell it
Let’s really sell it!
(Toddlers lie down again in unison.)
BABYSITTER 1 (Chagrinned) So...as I was saying...many eons ago before the
dawn of Disney cartoons (Pause) A little girl named Little Red...
(Holds out cape first to Babysitter 2, then to Babysitter 3)
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 (Resignedly puts on cape) ,...goes out into the forest with a
basket of goodies to take to her grandma-because her mother
told her she had to. (Aside to Babysitter 2) You be mother.
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
Babysitter 1 turns to Babysitter 3.
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 (Foiled again) Mother said (Changing voice) Little Red, take
this basket to Grandma. Okay, said Little Red.
(Toddlers sit bolt upright. Two start rap rhythm, one recites rap verse.)
TODDLERS So far this story is really borin’
It’s got me snorin’.
These people flat
That’s not where it’s at
Even Felix the Cat‘s
got more character than that!
It needs some punch
Some pizzazz and crunch
You know what I mean
It’s extra lean!
C’mon now tell it
Let’s really sell it!
Toddlers lie down.
BABYSITTER 1 Here we go again. (To Babysitters 2 and 3) Lookit. I can’t do
all these characters myself. You’ll have to help.
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 (Looking like she/he could strangle them, gestures toward
them - suddenly turns away throwing off the cape)
I’ve got it! I’ll just tell the story and you
(pointing at the toddlers) make up the pictures in your
collective imagination.
Toddlers sit bolt upright with open mouths. They pause, nod once emphatically, put on
imagination caps and lie down abruptly. Action is then pantomimed behind the toddlers.
BABYSITTER 1 And so, Little Red, a stunningly sweet, fine-boned, golden-haired
child with an innocent trusting air, set out intrepidly on her
mission of mercy to Grandma’s house. She marched determinedly
down the walk, decisively opened the garden gate and bravely set
forth on her journey of compassion. Being a sensitive, nature-
loving child, she stopped to smell the roses along the way.
Toddlers sit bolt upright. Two start rap rhythm, one recites rap verse.
TODDLERS So far this story is really borin’
It’s got me snorin’
Now where’s the plot
There’s nothin’ hot
Give it some thought
Shakespeare it’s not!
It needs some punch
Some pizzazz and crunch
You know what I mean
It’s extra lean!
C’mon now tell it
Let’s really sell it!
BABYSITTER 1 (To babysitters 2 and 3) Know any good plots?
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 (Unconcerned) Well, do I have a story for you.
As I was saying, our hero fearlessly set out through the dark
enchanted forest, despite the dangers lurking behind every
whispering tree. Onward she trudged, treelimbs like long spiky
fingers reaching out to grab at her hair and cloak as she passed.
Suddenly, she stopped dead in her tracks. There before her
stood a small well-kept cottage ringed by a miniature white picket
fence. Being very tired from her 10 minute trek and not overly
concerned for others’ privacy, she audaciously entered the
cottage and made herself at home. Trying the porridge, the
chairs and, finally, the beds, she found the smallest of each to be
to her liking.
There she snoozed, oblivious to the fact that while she was on her
mission of mercy, her wicked step-mother and two mega-ugly
sisters were primping in front of the mirror saying: “Mirror, mirror
on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Well, this spelled
mega-trouble for Little Red because, of course, we all know the
mirror’s answer. Mommy was not pleased, and so she disguised
herself and the mega-ugly sisters as bears and they all went to
the cottage in the woods.
When Little Red woke up to the fact that the three bears were
home, she thought better of her rude intrusion and fled post-
haste with her basket and continued on toward grandma’s house.
Little did Little know that step-mama bear had put a very special
apple in the basket, knowing Red’s penchant for munching while on
missions of mercy.
True to form, Little Red soon peered into the basket with only
slight twinges of guilt and took the shiniest red apple as if it had
her name on it!
No sooner had she picked it up, however, than she yelped in mild
discomfort as a thorn implanted in the apple pricked her dainty
baby finger. The poison coursed through her veins sending her
into a deep, dark, dreamless sleep! There she lay for several days,
dewdrops forming daily on her dormant brow - when along came
seven dwarfish fellows heading home after an uplifting day’s work
in the local mine. “She’s mine!” Said the seeming leader of this
unlikely bunch, but after some thought about relative sizes,
decided she’d have to belong to all of them. And so, they hoisted
her dew-laden body onto their shoulders and merrily carried their
new-found pet off to a high tower where she stayed for many
years - a sleeping beauty with nary a snore.
Eventually the poison wore off and Little Red awoke to see two
bulging green eyes staring at her from a suspiciously frog-like
face. “Eeeeeeww yuk!” She said, “I hate frogs! Get away, get
away, get away!” With that, the frog turned to go, glancing back
with a tear in his eye, a sniff and a badly-bruised ego. Realizing
she had hurt his feelings, and being of a gentle nature, Little Red
threw caution to the wind, and, in a weak moment of remorse,
plucked the frog from the floor and kissed him right on the nose!
With that, she heard a shplopff! And there before her stood the
handsomest prince she had ever seen. Not that there were too
many in her immediate peer group. Nonetheless, he was better
than a frog. Now you do realize that during her lengthy years of
sleep, Little Red managed to grow quite a lengthy crop of hair
which inspired her handsome prince one day to say: “Little Red,
Little Red, let down your hair and we’ll be outta here!” So down
the hair ladder they climbed to freedom.
Toddlers sit bolt upright. Two start rap rhythm, one recites rap verse.
TODDLERS
So far this story is really borin’
It’s got me snorin’
I hate to grumble
But ev’ry word you mumble
Makes the storyline crumble
Little Red’s in a jumble!
It needs some punch
Some pizzazz and crunch
You know what I mean
It’s extra lean!
C’mon now tell it
Let’s really sell it!
BABYSITTER 1 (To Babysitters 2 and 3) You lost?
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
BABYSITTER 1 Good! (To Toddlers) Hmph!
Toddlers lie down.
BABYSITTER 1 Okay, so, having an excellent memory, and being a conscientious
doer of good deeds, Little red - prince in tow- set off again
through the woods to grandma’s house. Suddenly, from behind a
tree leapt a menacing-looking wolf. Displaying his ferocious
fangs, he demanded to know what Little Red was carrying in her
basket. Coyly, she replied, “Mostly rotten fruit by now, I
suppose!” Not believing for an instant that anyone would carry
such a thing through his forest, the wolf tried to pry more
information from Little Red.
He was most impressed when he heard her story and was
especially touched by the part about her Grandma. The wolf
said,”You’re a Beauty!” Little Red, not taken in by his
compliments, said,”And you’re a Beast!”
With such a cruel remark tossed so cavalierly in his direction, the
poor wolf was plunged into despair and wept uncontrollably with a
great many “alases” and “woe-is-me’s”. You guessed it! Little Red’s
soft-hearted nature took over again. Not having learned her
lesson the first time, she kissed the wailing wolf right on the
nose!
Fawump! There he stood- a gorgeous bearded prince, ready to be
devoted to Red for the rest of her life.
“Oh woe is me!” Cried Little Red. “What shall I do with two
handsome princes?”
Just then her two mega-ugly sisters came to the rescue. “We’ll
each take one,” they suggested, and as they strolled away,
princes in hand, they called back: “By the way, there’s a strong,
burly woodsman waiting to save you at Grandma’s house. Isn’t it
about time you got there?”
Toddlers sit bolt upright. Two start rap rhythm, one recites rap verse.
TODDLERS So far this story is really borin’
It’s got us snorin’...
BABYSITTER 1 and PANTOMIMES (Exasperated and raising their voices)
Well that’s the point!
Say goodnight!
TODDLERS Goodnight.
BABYSITTER 2 Not me!
BABYSITTER 3 No way, man!
Babysitter 1 flops in chair.
THE END
Notes
Babysitter 1 could also read the story from a large storybook if it is not possible to memorize the
entire story.
Babysitters 2 and 3 should be relatively “uninvolved” during the entire play except for speaking
lines. They could be stone-faced or reading or playing hand held electronic games
or just bored.
Thinking or imagination caps could be three separate caps or one large cap.
The Toddlers do not actually see the pantomime as the actors are behind them in their
imaginations. The pantomime should be suitably “hammy”.
.